thinking about the future of entertainment

reading books and living like a hermit

originally i had some sap shit piece of woe is me but the feeling is universal

we all know that economic prosperity is really vague. also trust is at all time low.

believe me. i want nothing more then to like drink beer with beautiful women but i seem to be priced out for the time being.

now i wont get to into the science behind why i lost but it comes down to mainly small accounts just generally fail due to “lack of imagination” because you have so small in trading terms - so i with drew the remainder to pay for bills and keep aggressively paying bills ahead. again this is like trading too. you need a clear mind - when i always was really good my daughters mom or my mother took care of my child -

so the smart thing to do is pack it in for a little bit and come back with a little more money at a better time in my life - which is really the best way to approach this sort of thing.

but - there is a bright side and a few things i learned about myself. whether or not i have the time to do cool things - i kinda of always like my hand on some cool things. so again i will continue to learn spanish as it cost so so little.

then i will drive my car around that i know needs work until inspection (gulp)

ill be driving no more then maybe 15 miles to just get to work and my prison cell.

i will be avoiding bars and AA meetings like the plaugue to get to my longest utmost longest streak of sobriety.

but what to do then ?

i might do some writing that is casual or something just for me. especially reading cult x recently i love this feeling that books that are like clandestine and bend reality but rarely a TV show can get past that uncanny valley. there are so many topics or nuanced things i am interested in exploring but i dont think like a blurb online really suffices that is again why i deleted all the apps.

and too again its like things like “making a youtube channel” “getting paid subscribers” just really seem like not the thing. im not jaded either. really im not. jsut a little more realistic and unless some weird cancer gets me - as long as i stop drinking and get my steps in -

see the other thing i know is no one is having that good of a time right now. people with money are old and in marriages where they no longer have sex. people who are young are faced with really really bleak prospects about the future. they could be doing something meaningful with their youth but again the only way to reach them would be like a youtube video and im not playing that game.

one theme i think exploring or worth exploring is this contrast of puritanism in america and gambling. i mean i feel like i was way ahead of the gambling phase with options or whatever - but like thats the other thing a lot of influencers are sponsored by these betting corporations. then i guess some people complain online about it but like that seems a little weird and im sure the algos would push it under the rug

other things i was thinking about with imagination is ideas of digital graffiti. like the billboards of the past use to be able to have advertisements destroyed in this like beautiful anarchy

i mean for now the advertisers are safe but what if some type of anarchy can be done with these high powered ai systems in the hands of some really intelligent devout people.

so idk musing is free and being bored with my thoughts is a really good idea right now. i thought i was going to lose it this year. honestly i dont think i did anything wrong except sort of expose myself right - maybe ill never talk about trading online or since again no one reads this ill just like kinda trug along and do what i think is good for me

something about exposure online is weird. i am avoiding my phone like the plague.

i keep getting like updates from work about what they want i tried to do these things like months ago they were stopped in their tracks

so now i have to dig back into all these old email logins and domains i created which is just like insane -

so maybe the idea of pushing progress to fast is really eating me up so its like yes i guess we have to really dig deep and do it all again - which leads to frustration on my end that life is like this never ending cycle of hell