the devil gave up drinking
god is DMT
someone told me when we die that our brain releases titanic levels of DMT to flood our brain with a spiritual experience. im still very early into my quit but i have to admit here im doing this for extremely evil, and selfish reasons. usually sobriety is a search for god but im finding the opposite
lets think here if you were say to idk - trade SPY 0.00%↑ QQQ 0.00%↑ blow accounts - your getting in the dog house back to square one - this means fear sets in - how does one get their fix if the money is gone or how does one not blow the spoils if one has these inclinations for party culture. but the devil only cares about money and greed. more then actual experiences. where god is found in romantic nights of wine with love ones. it is found in extra pieces of bread not caring about waste line
the devil is in the looks maxx, the devil is in the marathon, god is the diabetes, god is in the mega church, the devil is in the gym alone on a friday, the devil is gambling doordash money, god is israel, god is designer brands,
now - recently i decided to message someone on r/stopdrinking and i for sure cannot help them - they are like living in motels with a cat with 3 legs - and the devil in me is like god i cannot talk to this person this is more then my brain can handle but she said
“ we deserve bad things we think we do we are self sabotage professionals because we think it validates how we think others feel about us”
probably the most profound thing someone has told me about myself within 5 minutes of talking to me. but drunk me who sees god would take this triumphantly producing good luck from the realization it is in my head
yet i am like savanna field dry tinder rn there is nothing ruminating close to an angel but more like a desert rock, maybe for a stretch a cactus - but they do have some of the most beautiful flowers
yet - the devil is patient. god is abundant. but the devil is patient. had a realization recently, that will take some training to get use to. the idea of patience, money, cutting losses, multiple times. because i am not gifted by god. i must eat -7% loss -5% loss -4% loss on the regular i am not chosen i have no precog i have no foreseeable insight into markets then because of only natural forces like rain or thunder can i get +400% +1200% and enjoy it as my desert gets the one rain to sustain itself and let it run and run and run. god is abundant tricking us into everyday the world gives us rain everyday but this is a lie, the devil is patient, strategical.
yet i can see some of the greatest changes happening. free night tonight that i would simply months ago use for a sick 3 hour bar sesh is going for im shooting 6 miles on the treadmill - and the devil is patient - what took months of yoyo exercise and repeated relapse has slowly slowly turned into being able to set higher horizons that is more aligned with the natural world
for you see tapering off alcohol, leaving the spiritual plane, is accepting the physical limitations of alcoholism
in this last taper december of 2025 i awoke to seeing a woman blonde in a white night gown in the corner of a room was the most real scare i have had in my own life almost like a good bye from the spiritual world and precognition - but this is an interesting thing never explained by drug use is how insane mental illness can get -
- but the devil knows - the world is unforgiving to mental illness. christianity will leave you on the streets. god fearing women never leave their castles for the trenches. if you start seeing things covering yourself in excrement you’ll be labled insane it has compounding effects gods children will be no where near you, gods children are into consumer abundance.
time to forgive yourself for rushing into things. we are not using to living this long on this plane. primordial memories are easily stirred. hard to hush them to sleep. panic attacks we know we are not use to living this long so they wave substances, bright lights, we scroll, maybe what we need is, a little bit of darkness