i deleted all the apps (and you should too)

this is getting out of hand

everywhere i go there is someone on their phone and when i make contact with them it is like i caught them having sex or something. this is really out of hand. im personally digging really deep right now for my own short comings with this stuff.

first i got rid of the instagram then twitter then the reddit (just did that)

i want to just sort of walk through what im thinking about. for the time being work doesnt feel fufilling. everyone is trying to avoid work and be on their phone.

its really really weirding me out.

i have for sure some demons to get over within my personal life. i for sure really crave meeting new people/ being seen to some degree. (literally no one reads this) but i stay on this app because there is atleast some writing that takes place tho lately everyones post feel like a marketing pitch to supplement their “free and artistic lifestyle.”

some of the demons i really struggle with is mainly drugs. i also learned i do not like generally the presence of other attics. maybe i avoid them because i see myself and it disgust me. or maybe (lately) i really really just dont want to relapse anymore.

there is this app called “stopdrinking” on reddit i have found helpful but there is some weird energy exchange going on. there are things i probably dont like about these people but there is defiantly even more they would not like about me.

the idea of leaving one prison for another. leaving the prison of drinking alone for the prison of the phone. at least when i drank i was drawing or making a mess in the kitchen maybe not scrolling.

then also i have been posting my financial options trading which i would like to get into more detail about but lately i think the parasocial relationship needs to end

but in my actual job im needed to be slightly present online or is that maybe a cope a bit. i do have a domain - that i could update from at some point or post video on

all im saying is there is something really really depressing about everyone on their phones all the time and escaping it feels futile.

like im really gonnna have to spend the rest of my life sober - around people on their phones. no mystery. no allure. no new frontier. just endless phone things. thing is too - to meet like minded people would be like to have to find them online -

recently heard this idea of giving up being called acedia

i think literally everyone around me has this about work or thinks to do in general in life. i do not think this is bad except for you have to simply do things.

but the thing you dont have to do is what everyone else is doing. these apps.

today is just a little weird. i ate lunch by myself scrolling r/stopdrinking. what literally do i have to learn anymore about alcohol other then i really really shouldnt be doing it.

i need to get away from the noise

no one has the cpablities to stay away from technology. maybe we shouldn’t be concerned about bots but that we maybe have to avoid each other we are like sickening each other.

of course im trying to think in terms of that “nothing will ever happen. like hear me out these same things that are really really weird in this week come halloween next year is going to be a whole new host of things that is horrible

so im not talking about my trading anymore on here. takes my energy

there is nothing good on this sight.