diamond inner monologue

getting the world back in your favor

you know i just cannot for life of me think about the engagement bait tactic of “just write like no one is watching.”

really this is a psychological trick. they dont actually want to hear what you have to say. im just telling it like it is. or maybe pretending to engage is like part of doing business for your customers to believe what you are writing.

there is however a hidden power of this message if you follow me. i keep thinking about this morning and what went wrong for me. there is this idea of “inner monologue” thats haunts me regularly.

if we feel pain - what do we do? if we are ignored what do we do? this question actually might make substack wanna kys. this place uses a lot of weird hierarchies and pseudo psychology phrasing to sort of avoid just such a general concept -

there is a classic motif of what to do with pain - having some sort of alcoholic beverage / neon signs (know what i mean) but maybe a classic state of the cacoon to hide in when we feel like big babies inside.

now what im gonna hit home on is this

any great deep pain we suffer in 2025 we find our solace in the same way we deal with minor inconveniences or mild entertainment - it is back to our parasocial prison to be spoon fed dopamine hits not as good as a drug but the withdraws as strong that it is a vortex into another life the grass is not greener the grass is artificial terf designed by nvdia where the clouds cant be seen only felt and never escaped

one of the best examples of this for some reason i just thought of when a college buddy said he matched with my daughters mom on tinder. well to be fair when we broke up i took the classic drugs & pain approach at the time i didnt even think about this again until a decade later.

i did not think about this for a decade and everytime i get serious about quitting drinking and get a whole three days under my belt i get these really really vivid memories from my past. and i was thinking how we use our phones to dopamine and sort of drink the pain away. scroll the pain away? isnt it interesting we say scroll but scroll is also like a contract for our souls in old depictions of the devil?

i just this gives me a lot to think about when it comes to winning, grit, and coming out on top. i don’t want a hand out. never did. just want to get better when i think about it. i do carry a lot of shame for my alcoholism. it is very weird our solutions are to thwart people into parasocial relationships.

while i do carry shame for that it also has to be dropped with the baggage of dealing with the world problems. if you want attention i got bad news for you. you are gonna have to care about people or have some capital to be in charge of to command workers for. what i mean im getting over the shame for my alcoholism and the shame a majority of substackers say a person like me (beautiful tall stright white male) has like so much burden or whatever. getting over that too because

it affects the inner monologue

i just feel personally attacked everytime i get on here. which again think about reddit. same shit. im tryna read about my alcoholism and the app is just front loading some up and cummies about how your boyfriend looked at your friend and everyone is telling you to end the marriage over it or you deserve something better

even if you were to think about ending your marriage which is for sure understandible in 2025 because people of all walks of life are insanely psychotic, but you really think asking random strangers with wojak monikers if this is the right move?

while i was the utmost original adapter of AI before it hit da main stream this type of thing cannot be good for inner monologue. 11 days with out cranking the hog and not smoking a dart is not exactly a villian arc. in that moment the validation you get probably takes away from it. i can just imagine saint joan of arc right before battle being like gas me up idk nothing cool or biblical had anything to do with like these little dopamine screens. just something to think about.

there really wasnt anything normal about today or un normal - i simply lose money pretty often - i just had this small thought - well what did go right this week - what did go wrong - how do we deal with pain - do we drink - do we scroll - do we ask chat gpt bots for a new game plan

gotta understand there is an IPO to your solution

literally they got one for all of em CMG 0.00%↑ when you want a spike of some goyslop dopamine RDDT 0.00%↑ when you need some social validation META 0.00%↑ when you need to low key fap or whatever NVDA 0.00%↑ to calculate thoughts way better then yours LLY 0.00%↑ for some diabetes booster shots to lose weight because you drank too much PEP 0.00%↑ or hell my favorite BUD 0.00%↑

creating things can feel really great. we all want an audience. but what im telling you is so profound and im not saying this for engagement bait but to remind you

you never needed an audience

you need an inner monologue

just write like no one is watching (i promise you they are not)

how you deal with pain is how you deal with everything.

how you do anything is how you do everything